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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
