Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize