You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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