i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
