She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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