Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
