he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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