I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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