how can u be prego again
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
