if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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