I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
a search helicopter?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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