did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
