I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there is glitter all over my balls
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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