I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
