i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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