Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
