i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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