she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
