i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
