I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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