Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
