i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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