i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
