Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
