omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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