i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
