FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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