My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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