why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
