I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
dude. I can hear the air.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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