WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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