If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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