im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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