is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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