where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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