I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
