If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
