"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
