I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
