I wish my penis had an off switch
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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