Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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