so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...