ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.