i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.