i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing