I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION