Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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