I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
