And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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