I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
