The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
