Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
