wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
