theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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