I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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