The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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