Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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