I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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