Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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