WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
