and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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