I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
