Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't put those talents on a resume
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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