then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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