I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
