Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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