if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm both gender and math confused
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
