Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
