Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
