I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
