I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
