I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
