haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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