You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
