Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize