foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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