I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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