Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
