You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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