i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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