I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so let's talk penis.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Randomize
