It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
