ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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